Koo Im Robbins
Couples, Marriage, and Family Therapist
Couples, Marriage, and Family Therapist
Relationships are core to our identity and play a fundamental role in the quality of our life, shaping who we are, and how we perceive ourselves. Relationships are endowed with our heart’s deepest longings: to be seen, loved, and accepted as we are, to find healing and wholeness, and to reach our greatest potential. It is no wonder that relational conflicts can, at times, feel so gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, and terrible.
In our sessions, we will work together to identify and break free from negative patterns and cycles that may no longer be serving you. Using an emotionally focused and attachment-based approach, I tailor my methods to your specific needs and circumstances. That may mean improving communication, reigniting your love, or navigating the complexities of parenting and other life transitions. By integrating somatic techniques, we can also address the mind-body connection and promote healing at a deeper level.
Research-Based Therapies That Work
Among other modalities, Koo Im practices Emotionally Focused Therapy ("EFT"). Combining experiential psychotherapy (e.g. Gestalt therapy), with attachment theory, EFT is based on the premise that human emotions are connected to human needs. These emotions get played out in relationship dramas that replicate an earlier attachment trauma, often from childhood, when a core need for care, trust, and connection was frustrated.
In the same way that attachment trauma was caused in relationship, Koo Im believes the trauma can be healed in relationship as well.
Similar to EFT, Stan Tatkin's Psychobiological Approach (sometimes referred to as "PACT") focuses on early attachment, its effect on the developing brain, and the autonomic nervous system.
The parent/infant attachment system creates a life-long model for what it means to be in relationship. What we know about that system, a secure relationship is based on attraction and the ability to reach for our partner and ask for what we need in a way that invites our partner to move closer. By contrast those with an insecure attachment may fear abandonment or the smothering of their authentic self. The goal in Tatkin's approach is to create between romantic partners what is known as a secure functioning relationship: one that is high in positives, mutually amplified, and low in negatives that are quickly repaired and corrected. A secure functioning relationship is a two-person psychological system based on true mutuality, good for me and good for you, versus a one-person psychological system with excessive concern for self-interest or self-preservation. This means in a healthy and secure functioning relationship, that both partners bind themselves to the bedrock principles of non-abandonment, and that the safety and security of the relationship takes priority over personal values.
To achieve a secure functioning relationship and obtain clarity about the critical need for relational bedrock foundations, we engage in psychodrama. Instead of merely talking about events we attempt to recreate conflicts and then resolve them under therapeutic supervision, as they are being felt. Working out early attachment events in real time allows us to observe how these memory-based traumas show up in the here-and-now of the body's systems, the heartbeat, in cortisol release, in oxytocin, in the mind's propensity to compulsively play out an obsolete trauma loop that may not have much connection to the facts of the world anymore.
While Sue Johnson's Emotionally Focused Therapies and Stan Tatkin's Psychobiological Approach asks couples to look inward, the Gottman Method analyzes relationships from the outside. Koo Im augments her attachment-theory based psychoanalytic approach with Gottman models that help her to read the signs and symbols of relationship function and disfunction.
John Gottman is an MIT trained statistician and psychologist who developed a model for divorce prediction and marital stability based on four decades of empirical studies. His mathematical models are able to predict which couples will divorce in seven to nine years with 81 - 90% accuracy.
One of Gottman's hallmark discoveries is that there are certain negative behaviors in relationship, known as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, highly predictive of divorce. They are: criticism of a partner's personality; contempt, which is usually derived from a position of superiority; defensiveness intended to deflect and blame others; and stonewalling, which is displayed through emotional withdrawal.
Former Clients
"Working with Koo Im has been a great experience. She brings a depth of wisdom and knowledge to the sessions that help set the stage for breakthroughs, but even more importantly she listens deeply and leads with caring and empathy that helps us feel heard and seen on a profound level.
"I don’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t have Koo Im to help guide me after the loss of my husband. Looking back to my loss compared to where I am today, I’m in a much better place. I attribute so much of my adapting, adjusting and moving forward to her."
Koo Im is a Bay Area native, a licensed marriage and family therapist, wife, and mother. Prior to private practice, Koo Im worked at Pathways Home Health & Hospice as a bereavement therapist, counseling individuals, children, couples, and families, grieving the death of a loved one.
Koo Im has had a varied career. In the past, she practiced law in the federal courts, taught mathematics to high school students, and served as president of the National Education Association, Santa Fe Local Chapter. She holds an M.A. in Integral Counseling Psychology from the California Institute for Integral Studies, in San Francisco, and a J.D. from the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque.
Contact us for a no-charge 30 minute initial consultation. We maintain a policy of strict confidentiality in all therapeutic communications.
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